I found this 'select-a-crew guide' in a club newsletter from 1976, when it had been cribbed from the Scorpion newsletter. It's probably appeared in a few other places since, but I thought it bore repeating, with a few adaptations...
Could this have anything to do with the modern preference for single-handers?
| Performance Factors | Far Exceeds Job Requirements | Exceeds Job Requirements | Meets Job Requirements | Needs Some Improvement | Does Not Meet Job Requirements |
| Ability |
Leaps up mast with a single bound |
Must take a running start to leap up mast |
Can only reach up mast when standing on foredeck |
Crashes off foredeck attempting to reach mast |
Cannot recognise mast much less leap up one |
| Speed |
Faster than light |
Faster than a bullet | As fast as a bullet |
Would you believe a slow bullet | Shoots self in foot |
| Perseverance |
Stronger than an elephant |
Stronger than a bull |
As strong as a bull |
Thinks like a bull |
Smells like a bull |
| Resourcefulness |
Walks on water occasionally |
Walks on water in an emergency |
Washes with water |
Drinks water |
Passes water in an emergency |
| Communications |
Talks with race organiser |
Talks with rescue boat crews |
Talks to himself |
Argues with himself |
Loses argument with himself |
| Organising Ability |
Runs the sailing club |
Would like to run the sailing club |
Sells tickets for the club draw |
Buys tickets for the club draw |
Couldn't run a bath |
| Sailing Skill |
Wins every race he enters |
Wins every club race |
Once had a first place in an open |
Doesn't understand course |
Hasn't read course |
| Application to Duty |
Rigs boat before helm arrives |
Helps rig boat |
Buys his round at the bar |
Drinks beer bought by others |
Drinks other people's beer |
| Capacity for Development |
Thinks he can helm best |
Wants to helm |
Helms in an emergency |
Intelligent ballast |
Dead Weight |



